We all know Samoa’s to look like this:
If you look at the pictures of the cookies I made, they look like I made them while tipsy, or better yet, completely INEBRIATED out of my damn mind. I can’t help but laugh when I look at my photos!!!
I mean LOOK AT THEM!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I don’t have children but the cookies look like I kidnapped a 2-year-old, got HIM inebriated, and said, “Hey kid, wanna help me make and decorate some cookies?!”
When it comes to baking and decorating cookies, I missed the memo on how to be delicate and precise. These cookies look like I hosed down my entire kitchen with chocolate blindfolded.
Why didn’t I start over and make the cookies again if they turned out so weird looking? I DID!!! I made these sons of a bitches 3 times!!!!! 3 TIMES!!!!! By the third attempt, I said, “Fuck this shit” and snapped some photos.
I had a hard time in the kitchen this week. Each and every recipe I tried to make for the blog failed. And you know what? Who cares?! Sometimes cooking is a major pain in the ass. I laugh at myself, and my mistakes, a lot, so I figured we can all have a laugh this week while looking at these crazy sloppy cookies.
The upside? They tasted OUT OF THIS WORLD!!!!!!!
I thought all was lost. I don’t have a Girl Scout Cookie connection at work. Almost every office I’ve worked for had at least one person with ties to a Girl Scout. Some of my co-workers do have children, but they are all toddlers, no Girl Scout Cookie bearers in the bunch. 🙁
Girl Scouts are the modern day Siren. Cute, yet dangerous little girls that sing their sweet, sugary, songs of cookies. No matter how strong your willpower is, no one can resist the call of the Scouts and their addicting little treats. You know how it is, you’ll be at work minding your own business and someone will mention Girl Scout Cookies. At first, you think, “Nah, I’ll be good and NOT spend my entire paycheck on cookies this year, my wallet and waistline will thank me.” Fast forward a few weeks later and your entire freezer is filled with little green boxes of happiness.
I thought to myself, how will I make it in this world without my yearly binge of coconut-y Samoa goodness? The coconut, the caramel, both held together by a sweet base of chocolate-y love. I knew something had to be done. I knew it wasn’t right to deprive my sweet tooth. If I wanted Girl Scouts Cookies, I would have to make them myself.
And make Girl Scout Cookies myself I did…3 fucking times. But holy shit they tasted AMAZEBALLS!
- 1 stick of butter, really soft
- ½ cup of sugar
- 1 cup and 4 tablespoons of flour
- ⅓ teaspoon of baking soda
- ¼ teaspoon of salt
- ½ teaspoon of vanilla extract
- 1 tablespoon of milk (I used 2%)
- 2½ cups of shredded toasted coconut (doesn't really matter if it's sweetened or not, mine was)
- 3 cups of caramel candies (or make your own caramel)
- 1 tablespoon of milk or heavy cream (I used 2% milk)
- ½ teaspoon of vanilla
- ⅛ (or a good pinch) of salt
- 2 cups dark chocolate chips
- Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Grab a cookie sheet that will fit the shredded coconut and line it with parchment or a baking mat. Spread the shredded coconut in a single layer on the cookie sheet and pop it in the oven. Don't leave your kitchen! Check on the shredded coconut approx every 5 minutes. I set a timer for 5 minutes, opened the oven, gently stirred the coconut around, and put back in the oven. I would set a timer for 5 minutes again, and repeat the same process until all of the shredded coconut was a nice toasty brown. It took me 20-25 minutes or so. Don't set the timer for 20 minutes and walk away...it will burn. Frequently check in on the coconut and stir it often.
- This process can be done the day before.
- Whisk together the flour, salt, and baking soda in a bowl, and set aside.
- Cream the butter and sugar in either a standing mixer or an electric hand mixer, until the mixture is light and fluffy (I started on slow speed and gradually turned up the speed to medium).
- On slow speed, add the flour, in thirds, until the batter looks like crumbly.
- Add the milk and vanilla extract and continue to mix until the dough comes together.
- Scope out the dough and wrap it tightly in plastic wrap. Put the dough in the fridge and chill it for 1 hour.
- When the dough is almost done, preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
- After the dough has chilled. Roll it out on a flat, lightly floured surface. I cut the dough in half and rolled out each half, one at a time, to make rolling easier. No worries if the dough is too sticky to roll out. Add small amounts of flour, and knead until the dough is ready to roll. If the roll is too crumbly, don't add any flour, but gently knead the dough, or roll it in your hands. The butter will warm up and soften up the dough. Now, roll out the dough until it's approx ¼ of an inch thick. Using either a donut cutter, or
- As you cut out the cookies, gently place them on a parchment paper lined cookie sheet.
- Bake the cookies for 10-12 minutes, or until they look dry and they look slightly brown. Take the cookies out of the oven and let cool, on the cookie sheet, for 5-10 minutes. Then, gently move the cookie with a spatula onto a cooling rack. Let the cookies completely cool before you move onto the caramel step. You can put the cookies in the fridge to speed up the process if you want.
- Now that the cookies are completely cool, you can move onto the caramel step.
- Melt the caramel and milk in either a double boiler (on low) or a bowl in the microwave. If using the microwave, zap the caramel in 20-second increments, until it's melted. Once fully melted, add the vanilla extract.
- Now comes the messy part. Pour ¾ of the caramel into the shredded coconut, leaving ¼ of the caramel in the bowl.
- Combine the caramel and coconut until the coconut is completely covered in caramel. Give the coconut mixture a chance to cool down, otherwise, you'll burn your fingers.
- Once the coconut mixture is cool enough to handle you are ready to start your cookie assembly line.
- You may have to reheat the ¼ caramel to ensure it's still soft and not already hardened.
- Spoon a thin layer of the caramel on top of each cookie. Now take a little bit of the coconut mixture and gently press it into the caramel layer. The caramel layer acts as a glue to keep the coconut mixture from falling off the cookie.
- Set aside the cookies and let them cool so the caramel hardens on top of the cookie.
- Once the cookies are cool, you are ready for the final process.
- Melt the chocolate using either a double boiler (on low) or zapping it in 15-second increments in the microwave.
- Once the chocolate is melted, it's time to give the cookies a chocolate bath!
- One by one, dunk the bottoms of the cookies into the chocolate. Let the excess chocolate drip off before placing the cookies on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.
- Once all of the cookies have been dunked in chocolate....get a fork.
- Dip the fork in the chocolate and drizzle the chocolate over the cookies.
- Let the chocolate cool completely.